Episode 8 Suppliment
This week once again gives life to the ersatz Chinese proverb “May you live in interesting times.”
I’m off for a week’s vacation in Park City enjoying the Sundance Film Festival; and I’m not watching Gauntlet 2 on Monday, because I know I’m not part of the drama this week. Hey, I remember pushing the damn truck the length of the field, and then yet another two feet against the gear, thanks to Ace (I still think he is hot). Beth did her job! Take a week off! So it’s a good time to be away with good friends who have interesting lives totally unrelated to TV –happy interesting times.
Wrong… My phone rings within minutes of people seeing the After Show following the east coast Gauntlet 2 broadcast. I have a Mac, so I can’t see the After Show yet, and am on the way out the door with friends for our last night together before returning home. By the time I returned to LA late Tuesday afternoon, I've received about 200 phone calls, emails, and myspace comments and messages about the “attacks” on the After Show, and about three concerning the Gauntlet 2 episode, “I can’t believe you and David pushed that damn truck!” I couldn’t believe it either, and I was there. But, thanks for the thought. One of those positive comments was from someone I’d thought of as an archrival on a previous challenge – interesting times.
Kina, Ibis, Katie and others weigh in, some on the Internet and others privately. Just watching the previous episodes brings up lots of stuff I try not to live with on a daily basis because MTV doesn’t define me; so, as I read and listen to the maelstrom of discontent over Susie’s comments, it’s hard, very hard not to share in the anger. Many well-meaning Internet readers fuel the outrage and encourage and embolden the potential for a harsh response – interesting times, unless you are caught up in it.
I write my blog late on Tuesday night, and it shows up on my myspace blog page and my website, www.realitytvstuff.com, on Wednesday morning. From my perspective, I’ve been consistent in what I offer people who read my blogs: a behind-the-scenes perspective on what did not air during the latest episode and my own thoughts as I was going through those days on the challenge. This time I feel the need to fully defend myself, and I carefully consider the content of what I write, because I want it to represent my own core values. During the next 36 hours, about 8000 people will read some or all of what I’ve posted – interesting times, but I’m too exhausted to care.
Wednesday, Susie reaches out by phone and leaves a voicemail message of apology. She follows up that call late Wednesday with a private email. Very late last night I talk with friends and family and think for a long time about the proper, appropriate, honest and fair response. I see that others involved have removed or altered some of what that have put online, as is there right. Should I do the same or choose my own, independent approach.
Today, as Susie had offered, I asked her to send me an email that I could post on the Internet. She has done so, and it follows here.
Although I wrote you a private apology earlier, I want to take this time to express publicly that I am very sorry for humiliating you on the After Show. My comments were COMPLETELY meant as a joke. Blair had mentioned that everybody already knew everything there is to know about Beth, so I tried to come up with the most outrageous story in the world. I thought the audience (and you) would know that this was just a joke, but I was wrong and I'm sorry.
I want to tell your readers (and the world) that Beth does NOT have a
Texas-shaped birthmark, or a birthmark of any kind (to my knowledge!) on her bottom. I'm sure has a wonderful set of buns completely devoid of any Lone Star State marking, but I wouldn't know because she did NOT walk around naked. Ever.
I truly regret embarrassing you and making a fool out of you especially since you weren't even there to defend yourself). That was totally insensitive and rude. I hope that you will take this letter as a sincere and genuine apology. If you don't, and you remain mad, I will completely understand. You have every right to be angry.
Thank you for this opportunity to apologize, and I hope you will accept.
Interesting times – I feel the camera turn from Susie to me. Cue angry, Evil Beth.
What kind of person fails to accept an apology? Am I that kind of person? Can I just go back to bed and no one will care? It turns out that accepting an apology is actually an easy thing to do. All one must do is simply find the will to say, “I accept.” So, Susie, Thank you. I accept your apology. Having been raised as a Catholic, I find myself pushed along the forgiveness route, but talking about that openly would drive the anti-religion hoards on the Internet completely crazy.
I also strongly believe in being accountable for my actions and my words, so I’m going to slightly modify my previous blog, but not remove it. Should MTV elect at some point to edit the After Show, then I’ll revisit my decisions. Yet again, interesting times.
Not surprisingly, I’ve heard from some, “Don’t accept her apology.” “I don’t believe a word of it. How can you?” All I can say in response is this very un-Beth thought from Rainer Maria Rilke –
“Perhaps all the dragons in our lives are princesses who are only waiting to see us act, just once, with beauty and courage. Perhaps everything that frightens us is, in its deepest essence, something helpless that wants our love.”
May we all live in interesting times of our own making.
"Vindicta Nemo magis gaudet quam foemina."
Decimus Junis Juvenalis
This weeks episode starts off with the alliance with the rookie women and the veteran men. I do believe there was an alliance. Cara has a boyfriend at home and is doing anything she can to stay in the game.
We all have our angle and strategy to do as well as we can in the challenge, but hers is just downright bottom of the barrel. Cara, do you really have to whore yourself out to stay in the game just to win some cash? I mean you did do Playboy! (as you constantly reminded us all.) I wonder how your boyfriend feels about your trashy ways.
And Susie, DONT GET ME STARTED. SHE IS MARRIED AND SHE HAS A THREESOME WITH CARA AND JAMIE!!!!!!!
Susie you are the one who is screwed up and has a million things wrong. You have absolutely no morals or values. How can you cheat on your husband? Susie, I feel sorry for you that you have to go on MTVs Overdrive "The After Show" and lie about others to try and make yourself look so sweet and innocent. You're pretty stupid to think that after the cast heard your bullshit that we wouldn't out you. I would have never said anything about your infidelities if you weren't such a phony. Just to be clear, I probably still wouldn't have named you, but other cast members already have, so I'm just confirming their public statements about you.
Is this a cry for attention???? I hold Timmy in high regard, and for the life of me can't understand how he could have ever dated you. During the challenge, you also trashed your supposed BEST friend, Cara and told everyone about her hooking up with Jamie and David. Does Cara know how you were stabbing her in the back and wanted her to take the fall for you? Susie, I can't wait to see you on another Challenge. I'll be waiting for you.
My thanks here go out to the rookie captain, Kina, and to Katie, Ibis and others for their blog comments. No, I didnt walk around naked, and, no, I dont have a birthmark on my butt shaped like Texas. In fact, I dont have any birthmark there at all. They were stupid lies, Susie, and I'll hold you accountable.
Link to Katie's blog:
If I can find Kina's blog again, I'll post a link later.
Let's talk about the mission in this episode. It's interesting that one female has to push the truck and all the guys want me to be in this position. I thought I supposedly suck? Oh, maybe Im just not sleeping with anyone and getting drunk so that's why I suck and should be sent home? Look, I want everyone to know I don't have a problem with what anyone else is doing, but when they hold it against me because I'm not doing it, too, then I've got a problem with it.
So, David and I push the truck and catch up with the rookies who were already half way to the finish line when we started pushing. *** Hey, pay attention here, that was Beth pushing the truck with the veteran cast in it!!! But I forgot... I suck... sorry... ***
On the way back, we couldn't move the truck because Ace didn't have the clutch engaged properly. We lose. So everyone wants Ace to go in to the gauntlet since it is his fault we ended up losing the challenge. I DON'T understand my team. Robin walked during the last challenge and that one reason why we lost. So why didn't she get voted into the gauntlet? Is this fair? I love Robin, but if you are going to use this logic with Ace, then why not for everyone? So, as we are in the deliberations, I have so many mixed feelings. Why am I here? My team makes decisions based on popularity. I feel like we deserve to lose because we are really not a team. Why am I busting my ass for people who stick knives in my back? Why? Because its a challenge! It's what we do and it's exactly what MTV wants.
I'm bummed to see Ace go in the gauntlet, but what can we do? The wheel spins and it lands on Beach Brawl which, as you know, Derrick wins. Let me tell you, this was so hard for me to watch. This is a very physical competition and they are really going at it. On this episode, you only saw about 20 percent of this gauntlet. It looked at times like they were going to snap each others neck. When it was over, they both had major scratches and bruises. This is nothing I would ever participate in. TJ is the ref but doesnt seem to know his role. He's not stopping them from playing dirty or doing anything dangerous. Derrick was so sore afterward that he had to soak in the tub and wanted to see the doctor.
As Ace goes home, I'm thinking about the next challenge. It's another female gauntlet day. I know I have to think about myself in order to stay in this game. I know if we lose, I'm going after MONTANA. I'm laughing because I know she is shitting her pants. She is so scared of me that she almost went home! Production had to calm her down and talk her into staying. She is so afraid of me that she can't say anything directly to me; she has to say it to the camera. Pathetic...
Montana, Karma is going to get you!
Thanks for reading, everyone. I have a ton of mail to get to and I know there are just too many questions to respond individually to everyone. I'll try to post answers to some of the general interest questions in another blog before next Mondays show. Again, it would help if you would send your questions by email to email@example.com. Chances are, I'm not going to always see your question if you post it in a myspace page comment or in a myspace blog comment.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? The new Team Captain -- "Queen Beth”
Wow...I was pretty happy with the edit last night. Of course, I knew in advance I won (LOL), but didn't know how they were going to tell the story and I think they did a pretty good job.
Let me begin by saying that the politics involved on my team are lame. This is a game about winning money, but with my team it seems to be about “who sleeps together and who gets wasted EVERY night together, stays together.” Some people on this team are not going to make it to the end; they just don’t know it yet. The lines are drawn and the alliances clear – and that’s just among the veterans.
At the beginning of the challenge, our team has to choose two people to sit out -- one male, one female. If you sit out you are automatically exempt from the Gauntlet. My team immediately decides Syrus should sit out because he weighs more than anyone. Hey, makes good sense to me, but since the woman who sits out will be exempt; I didn't want to let Montana get away with sitting out this mission so she could stay. At this point, I’m remembering that she couldn't even carry coconuts during the first mission without dropping half of them. I also know Montana doesn't work out and she smokes. Just what does she bring to our team?
Here is the conflict I’m going through as I’m standing there with the team having only a few minutes to make our decisions. Do I fight to protect myself from possibly going into the Gauntlet? Or, do I compete because I know I can really contribute in this event? Montana speaks up and I respond to the attack. She made my decision for me – I’m in. Maybe she should have kept quite. I know Montana can't run and she is s’ing her pants at the prospect of running, especially when pulling a cart with two people in it. It shows you how screwed up my team is to want to protect Montana instead of me. So now if we lose, we can't vote in Montana. That is why I call her out during deliberations before we vote, saying it’s unfortunate that our weakest player, Montana, is exempt.
You didn’t see much of the discussion on camera, but I knew that Ruthie would also protect Aneesa because they are both part of the ‘girls’ club. Ruthie likes to take showers with Aneesa and of course, Aneesa is working that angle. Why wouldn't she? You use what you bring, I guess.
Anyway, Montana talks everyone into saving her, and I am so pissed off… I knew I could run it, so I wasn't worried about it; but, I knew I was going into the Gauntlet if we lost because everyone ‘hates’ me. Why? Because I’m Beth…duh… Hey, I don’t live my life here on the challenge or back home worrying about it. But this is a very intense, pressure situation that you can’t understand unless you are there. A lot of emotions were going through my mind. Should I purposely lose and screw up my team because they don't want me? Or, should I run and prove I can do this and then leave? I didn't want to stay. I was pretty much emotionally checked out of the situation (Yes, there was a tear). It really does suck when no one is being supportive. I wanted to go home.
I love Robin. There is nothing bad I would ever say about Robin, but why did she walk???? When she did, I knew it was over for the Veteran’s and for me. I ran and pulled 300 pounds all the way around the track. NO PROBLEM. No one gave a shit. No one thought to vote Robin in because she can't run. It’s easy for Ruthie to do an interview later and mention Robin, but can she be the captain and actually lead? Apparently not. All she can say in the deliberations is that she wants what the team wants (but in private, told people that she wanted me). Not exactly George Patton’s “Leadership 101.”
No one thought to vote Aneesa in either because she sucks in these competitions. More history here: Aneesa dropped coconuts in the first mission and so did Robin. Aneesa has asthma and can't run. Robin is a great for the team because she can do other things. Aneesa has gotten away with doing nothing. She drinks every night, gets naked and tries to hook up with everyone on our team so she can stay.
As I am voted in, I wonder if I should beat Ruthie and then just leave. That would be a new approach! Is my heart in it? It’s hard to be in this very isolated situation with no one to talk to. I have a lot to think about, but thinking doesn’t make for good TV so you don’t see the time between deliberation and the Gauntlet. It isn’t that long, but it is agony for me.
I had begged them not to vote me in, and they did it anyway. I don't want to be captain. How can I be captain when no one respects me? How can this work? I certainly can’t have much respect for the people on my team who put me in this position. They talk shit behind my back, but I’m the SNEAKY ONE? Interesting...and lame.
As we get to the Gauntlet area, I’ve decided that I’m pissed and I’m going to fight. T.J. does the usual intro and I take advantage of it, giving Ruthie the impression that I really don’t want to fight her. I’ve never heard her say if that caught her off guard. Given Cameran and Jisela’s Gauntlet performance, I thought it was worth a try.
So I win the Gauntlet, but it wasn’t just 54 seconds like it was shown on the episode. I remember it being more like ten minutes of pulling, fighting for leverage, slipping in the sand, and digging really deep inside. It was not a walk in the park because of my size as some on-line geniuses have suggested. Ruthie didn’t give up at all. I applaud her for her effort. I really could have rubbed it in my team’s faces, but I was pretty humble about winning. I’m sure some wanted more “Beth” drama.
Unfortunately, Ruthie seems like a sore loser when she adds to T.J.’s compliments, “You’ve got a lot of weight.” I weigh more than she so that’s why I won? Bullshit! Can we please go back to all the competitions Ruthie has won because she is only 90 pounds and her weight is to her advantage? What crap. I won, fair and square. period. AND I SENT RUTHIE HOME!!!!!! Yes, I’m feeling good!
Can you believe Montana had the nerve to apologize to me as though I would actually believe anything she would say to me at this point? And I thought it was funny that she was complaining about my weight? Ha… We are the same size. And, I was purposely eating nothing but peanut butter sandwiches everyday to gain weight, so I could use my weight to my advantage on top of my strength. As far as size goes, Aneesa and Montana are same as I am, so they are my direct competition. Why wouldn't I try to put on a few pounds? I thought it was a smart move and it would be weight I would easily lose back home in LA.
It's amazing to me of who this persona of “Beth” is. People keep pumping up this character image of me, and mostly I just sit back and laugh. I’m not a bitch; but, if you mess with me, of course, I will be a bitch. You try to outsmart me, I will outsmart you.
I’m not afraid of anyone on my team, either physically or intellectually. I never have been. They seem oddly intimated by me and I don't understand why.
In the context of where we are in this challenge, Montana is shitting her pants right now and so is Aneesa, so I will decide to stick around a little longer in the game so I can see them squirm. That's what I like! Having said our goodbye’s to Ruthie and moving into the captain’s room, I’m feeling a lot better about things than I did a few hours earlier. Even drinking a cold beer with Derrick is a pretty good way to end the day.
Beth’s commentaries are protected by copyright @ StarChick LLC and KGS Productions, Inc. You can request permission to copy portions of a commentary for posting on Internet sites by contacting firstname.lastname@example.org.